You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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