That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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