I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
