from now on my penis is your penis
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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