Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
