do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
