then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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