the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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