I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
