I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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