I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
