why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
