Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
