of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
