Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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