That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize