Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
