fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
