She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
