i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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