Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
