fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
