Im at strip club and am horny
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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