Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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