hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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