The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
