I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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