a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
