real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
