He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
