so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
