pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
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There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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