Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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