Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
