Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
