i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
