He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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