my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
