Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
