I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
