well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
