I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
