I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
