I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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