he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just gift wrapped bread.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
