Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
