Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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