so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Holy shit dude........stairs
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