Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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