I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize