I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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