Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
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Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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