He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
