Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
