We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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