This is not my ceiling
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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