If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
