I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
