Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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