This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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